there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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