Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just had sex on a roof
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
