She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
