my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
