I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
