All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
