bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
