weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
