I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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