I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
