I wanna bring you to show and tell
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
