We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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