Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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