Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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