I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
