Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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