At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
