I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
