how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
