On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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