Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Fuck appropriateness.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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