Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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