i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
