I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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