Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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