butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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