Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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