can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
