um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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