She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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