LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
