so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
