In the future we'll all be gay
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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