Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
