Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
