My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
