weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
