It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
