My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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