guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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