Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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