its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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