So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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