I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
