Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
