His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
