One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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