Are we in a gay sports bar?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
