Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
