So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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