God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
