Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
