it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
