How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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