Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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